I have this thing where I get older but just never wiser Midnights become my afternoons When my depression works the graveyard shift All of the people I've ghosted stand there in the room I should not be left to my own devices They come with prices and vices I end up in crises Tale as old as time I wake up screaming from dreaming One day I'll watch as you're leaving 'Cause you got tired of my scheming For the last time It's me Hi! I'm the problem, it's me At teatime Everybody agrees I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby And I'm a monster on the hill Too big to hang out Slowly lurching toward your favorite city Pierced through the heart but never killed Did you hear my covert narcissism I disguise as altruism Like some kind of congressman Tale as old as time I wake up screaming from dreaming One day I'll watch as you're leaving And life will lose all its meaning For the last time It's me Hi! I'm the problem, it's me (I'm the problem, it's me) At teatime Everybody agrees I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero I have this dream my daughter-in-law kills me for the money She thinks I left them in the will The family gathers 'round and reads it And then someone screams out "She's laughing up at us from hell!" It's me Hi! I'm the problem, it's me It's me Hi! I'm the problem, it's me It's me Hi! Everybody agrees Everybody agrees It's me Hi! (Hi!) I'm the problem, it's me (I'm the problem, it's me) At teatime Everybody agrees (everybody agrees) I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero